Mere Camaraderie?
by Satori
Summary: A happy (mostly) fluffy story. Read and review! SiriusRemus but also SeverusRemus.
1. 1

Many people, Sirius pondered, described his hair as black of various shades. Jet, ink, Hogwarts robes, Severus' heart, and many others filled the list. But Sirius himself by far preferred Remus's description, "Black as shadows on the Forbidden Forest when there's no moon and the only stars to guide you are within yourself." Not only did this cater shamelessly to his pride—which, he admitted, was rather oversized—but also because of who said it. The look in Remus's eyes as he'd touched his hair gently while describing it, was etched in his memory. James had laughed and teased Remus, and Peter had joined in the laughter, but when Sirius looked at his blond friend over the heads of the other two, there was something different in his eyes. Wonder, mayhap, or realization, but whatever it was, it disappeared the moment they broke eye-contact.  
  
That incident was not the first, nor the last, but it was the one that Sirius would never forget. It was in that moment that he recognized what he'd seen in Remus's eyes each time. And Sirius had been dying to confront him about it, but never had the chance.  
  
In part, it was because of Severus, Remus' current lover and the other Marauder's long-standing enemy. Sirius was aware that Severus (or Sev, as Remus called him) and Remus loved each other, but this did not countenance the quickly hidden flash of fear each time Remus saw his boyfriend. if they loved each other so much, why was Remus afraid, and of what? True, the fact that he was going out with his previously forsworn enemy was enough to unnerve a fellow, but not frighten him. And so Sirius watched, waited, and fretted.  
  
The other part, was a fear of Sirius's own. He and Remus were friends first, above all. Confessing something so large and profound as this might permanently damage their friendship if something went wrong, and Sirius was't sure he wanted to risk something he prized so dearly. Even the flashes he saw in Remus's eyes when they looked at each other weren't enough to convince Sirius that telling his friend how he felt was best. After all, he reasoned, what if it was something else entirely? Like mere comeraderie? Then everything would fall apart, and Sirius wasn't sure he could handle the consequences. In fact, he knew he couldn't. To lose Remus's trust was just something he couldn't do.  
  
So he lived on in silent misery. He functioned, went to class, played pranks on other students (especially Sev), and generally lived life as before his frightening discovery. But Sirius was always aware of something missing. His mind was always on Remus in class, although he somehow managed to take passable notes; and James would definitely have noticed, had he not been so busy courting Lilly Evans.  
  
In some ways, this was a relief for Sirius. James, his best friend, would otherwise have noticed and be constantly pestering him about what was wrong. His best friend's natural (if irritating) gift of guessing correctly as to what the problem was, would surely not fail him this time, and then there would be the knowing glances coming from James to handle besides his own rampant feelings. All the same, Sirius couldn't help feeling a little put out at James's oblivion to the world.  
  
James may be off in another world, but someone else wasn't. Remus himself would surely notice Sirius's increasing awkwardness around him, try as the ravenheaded boy might to hide it. And therein lay yet another problem. If Remus noticed something, he might tell Severus. The Slytherin, hard as it was for Sirius to say, was definitely brilliant. If Remus told him, and he watched Sirius' behaviour himself, it wouldn't be so large a leap at all to realize what was going on with him. Severus was a decidedly skilled Potionsbrewer, and, if he put his mind to it (and he would, of a surety), he could definitely come up with some nasty concoction to accidentally slip Sirius in revenge. It was no secret that Severus was rather possessive when it came to Remus, and there was no doubt in Sirius's mind that the Slytherin would not hesitate tot debilitate him for a while, or make him fall in love with Professor Binns, or some other horrifying possibility.  
  
Sirius was not a stupid boy, not by a long shot. After reviewing the problems he'd discovered, should he tell Remus, he decided it best to shut his trap and be normal. How wrong he was. 


	2. 2

** Author's Note:** Oh my gosh it's been such a long time! I'm so sorry; I've had this written for ages but I never remembered to write it up! So here it is at last!  
  
**Disclaimer:** You know, I don't own any of the characters nor am I making any money off them. They belong to J.K. Rowling.  
  
**Summary:** Hee, I was so excited to write the summary. Well here it is. The chapter y'all have been waiting for! Peacocks, snogs, Peeping Tom's, fearless leaders, and sad confrontations to come! Read and review my friends!

* * *

That Saturday dawned bright and clear. This did not match Sirius' mood at all. He had been feeling decidedly nervous and agitated as of late. It seemed his subconscious mind had already decided to tell Remus how he felt about him, and was preparing him for the nervousness to come by laying it on slowly and thickly _all day_. This only served to make his conscious mind more nervous still. Or maybe he should just give in now and turn himself in to Professor Trelawney for Raving-Mad-Divination-Teacher Training. She was an expert—and he fit the first half well enough.  
  
Luckily, James had yet to notice his best friend's growing anxiety; he was still unsuccessfully trying to court Lily Evans, employing the traditional peacock's mating dance. In other words, he was trying his hardest to impress her in every possible way with his cough prowess. And in his case, fail utterly. So, James was no problem. Sirius chuckled; his always- suave best friend could hardly remember his own name around Lily.  
  
Sirius wondered if—IF—he ever gathered the courage to tell Remus how he felt, how he would do it. A letter? No, too impersonal. In the library? No, Remus would probably die of horror and shock Madame Pince into giving the still living—if he didn't die of embarrassment himself—Sirius a weeks' detention. Maybe Sirius could ask Remus to take a walk with him and _then _tell him...better than the other ideas, true, but definitely not the best. Or even close.  
  
Even though it was only around ten, Sirius sat in the common room brooding and staring into the nonexistent fire. He purposely ignored the giggling coming from an irritating gaggle of Gryffindor girls, who were obviously and openly talking about him, dissecting his every action.  
  
"Eek! Sarah, look! He's wearing a black shirt! Like you wore yesterday! D'you think he's hinting at anything?" One giggler exclaimed in excitement. The girl spoken to laughed nervously and made eyes at him. Sirius groaned and rolled his own eyes. He couldn't stand it anymore; he had to get out.  
  
Sirius stood quietly and walked out, passing the girls and eliciting even more giggling. He wondered what they would do if they knew he was a pouf. Probably giggle some more. He shook his head as he stormed outside; he would never ever understand girls. And decided he really might not want to understand them when he saw James and Lily sitting near the lake. He seemed to be telling a joke, but she wasn't listening; instead, she was staring out across the water.  
  
It didn't make any sense to Sirius. From a purely aesthetic point of view, James was...well, pretty. He had stubborn features, but they were carefully sculpted. It seemed to Sirius as if a master sculptor had spent days on just his face, molding and shaping. And his thick, unruly black hair was the finger-fantasy of every girl—and several boys—in the school. Of course, in Sirius's mind, James was nothing compared to Remus. Sirius sighed as he settled himself against the warm stone of the school, and closed his eyes.  
  
He thought about Remus—as if he didn't all the time anyways. The other boy's face sprang instantly to mind. His beautiful, heart-wrenchingly sad golden eyes were enough to make more than half the student population melt—Sirius knew, being one of them. But coupled with his beautiful golden hair, and the way it always fell over one eye, and his delicately fragile features, he was positively angelic. Sirius decided he did more than melt. It was more like evaporating and existing in the air Remus breathed, just for the sake of being around him. He couldn't suppress a smile as he thought about Remus, and yelped in shock when he felt a hand on his shoulder. His eyes flew open and he found a beautiful answering smile on Remus's face. The angel boy seated himself next to Sirius and tilted his head to the side, fixing his friend with an inquiring gaze.  
  
"What are you smiling about?"  
  
Sirius blushed. "What? Um...uh...that is...nothing."  
  
Remus laughed, throwing his head back to expose a long pale throat. Sirius was captivated. He managed to look away before Remus sobered, and didn't dare meet his blond friend's gaze.  
  
"Honestly, Sirius. You looked so..." Remus paused, searching for the right word. "So peaceful and happy and content and elated." He had decided to use all of the words that came to mind. Well, most of them. All but two, actually. Dead. Sexy.  
  
"Yeah?" Now it was Sirius's turn to tilt his head at Remus. He supposed that was how he felt around Remus. Slightly—understatement of the century—horny, but he wasn't going to tell Remus that.  
  
Remus nodded. And wondered whom his black haired friend had been thinking about. And wishing it was him.  
  
Sirius took a deep deep breath. He had to tell Remus now. Today was Saturday; if things went badly, he should be able to avoid Remus for the rest of the weekend. He hoped. And if things went well...Sirius cackled evilly mentally. Finally, he turned to his friend, who was staring out toward the Forbidden Forest.  
  
"Hey Rem?"  
  
"Hm?" Remus glanced at Sirius, and then looked again. His friend had an odd—and very rare—earnest expression on his face, and his hands were twisted together in an impossible finger knot in his lap.  
  
"I...um well...I just wanted to tell you that...IthinkI'minlovewithyou." Sirius forced out and immediately looked away, cringing in expectation of the shock and outrage he knew would follow his idiotic declaration. When he didn't hear anything, he looked up very very slowly.  
  
Remus was staring at him, obviously very surprised. "Wh-what did you say?"  
  
Sirius sighed and stared down at his hands. "Don't make me say it again—oomf!" The last part of what he was going to say was abruptly swept out of his mind as the gold-eyed boy grabbed his face and kissed him soundly on the lips.  
  
Sirius blinked. And then blinked again. Slowly, a foppish, half-drunken smile spread across the new favourite part of his body. He looked at Remus with a decidedly dazed expression on his face, and Remus burst into laughter.  
  
"You have..." Laugh laugh. "No idea how..." Laugh. "Amazed you look!" Remus gasped out between fits of giggles. When he finally managed to curb his helpless laughter, he faced Sirius very seriously.  
  
"I guess that means...you like me too?" The black haired boy asked, trying to keep the hope off his face.  
  
Remus chuckled. "What do you think? I just wish you'd told me earlier."  
  
Sirius agreed wholeheartedly. He let a mournful expression cross his face. "Think how much excellent snogging time we missed!"  
  
Remus laughed again and moved closer to Sirius, who wrapped his arm around the blond protectively. "Mm...especially since you're such a bad kisser."  
  
Sirius glared but rested his head on top of the other boy's. "How would you know? You took me by surprise. But then again...I could always just prove you wrong now..." He let his sentence trail away as he lifted Remus's chin to look him in the eye. With a grin, Sirius kissed him, slowly at first as they both readjusted to a new way of being together. Remus tangled his hand in Sirius's hair, pulling him closer, smiling as he felt the taller boy bit his lower lip gently.  
  
Sirius nudged the blond boy up against the sun-warmed stonewalls, kissing him by turns gently and fiercely, possessively. They came up for air after what seemed like eternity and too short all rolled up into one blissful minute—or thereabouts. Remus rested his head on Sirius's shoulder and closed his eyes, loving the feel of the other boy's arm around his shoulders.  
  
"Know what I think, Sirius?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"I think I'm in love with you too." Remus could feel Sirius smiling against his hair as the black-haired boy buried his face in the soft blond hair that floated like a halo around Remus's head.  
  
"That's good to know." His mouth moved against his friend's hair as they fell asleep leaning against the wall.

* * *

James covered Peter's mouth with his hand to stifle the expected gasp. With a grin, he motioned for silence and crept closer to the two sleeping boys who lay twined in each other's arms. Peter followed, eyes wide. James crouched in front of them and watched them sleep. He was glad the two had finally figured out that they were in love. It had certainly taken them long enough!  
  
The two other Marauders crept away again, and James made sure they were a safe distance away before clapping Peter on the back and whooping with happiness.  
  
"They finally figured it out Peter! I thought I would die of boredom or old age before they finally snogged!"  
  
Peter smiled too, happy because his "fearless leader" as Sirius called James, was happy.  
  
And they had thought James didn't notice. Well, he wouldn't have to pretend not to see the darting glances his two friends shot at each other. Honestly, James scoffed to himself, they thought he was so caught up in being in love with Lily that he didn't notice anything else. Although this did apply to most things, James made a special exception for his fellow Marauders. And he had certainly noticed the mounting tension between the two boys who were currently sleeping together—in the most literal sense, of course. James snickered.  
  
And since that was all straightened out, he could devote his full attention to courting and impressing the aloof Lily Evans.

* * *

Things had pretty much settled down at Hogwarts. The school was mainly open- minded about sexuality, and after the initial paying back of gambles—most of which were won by Liam Finnigan—Sirius Black and Remus Lupin holding hands and wandering the halls together, heads close together as they conferred, was not an unusual sight. The only problem was Severus Snape.  
  
Remus had been studiously avoiding the boy the Marauders had dubbed Snivellus. It had worked pretty well too, since the four Gryffindors went around together, and managed to fade into the crowd should they spot Snape in the hallway. About a month after Remus and Sirius got together—even though the former hadn't officially broken it off with Severus—the Slytherin managed to corner the elusive werewolf.  
  
"Remus. What a surprise." Severus' flat voice gave testimony to the fact that it wasn't really a surprise as he'd been following Remus.  
  
The werewolf winced and turned to face his sort-of lover. "Severus." He managed to acknowledge him.  
  
The greasy-haired boy stepped closer. "You've been avoiding me."  
  
Remus looked for an exit but everyone had cleared out when Severus had come into the aisle of the library. "What? I haven't! We've just been busy with homework!" The lie sounded hollow even to his own ears.  
  
"Don't lie to me, Remus." Snape's eyes and voice were level, monotonous. Remus gulped; his former lover's manner was one he saved to use on Remus only when he was very _very _angry. And there was no one here.  
  
"I'm-I'm not..." Remus studied his feet, but quickly looked up again in shock as Severus grabbed his shoulders and slammed him against the bookshelf behind him. He gasped in pain as the taller boy ground his shoulder blades into the books and glared venomously.  
  
"S-Sev listen! I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry..." Remus whimpered, terrified, and tried not to cry. The last time something had made Severus even remotely this angry; Remus hadn't been able to move his arms for a week. He had blamed it on the full moon, but Remus new it was because of Severus' beating.  
  
"It's too late you bloody liar! I can't believe you did this to me." Severus hissed in his ear. "You told me you loved me. You lied."  
  
"No I didn't Sev! I'm sorry! Let go of me!" Remus pleaded, trying to wriggle out of Severus' grasp, but the Slytherin merely tightened his grip on the slighter boy's shoulders and shoved him against the bookshelf again.  
  
Severus growled in anger and dropped Remus, who slid to the ground, hugging himself. "Weakling. I don't know what I saw in you. You can't even defend yourself. Always looking for that git, Black to save you. You're pathetic, Lupin." With that, Severus turned on his heel, robes billowing, and swept out of the library.  
  
Remus didn't move, silent tears running down his face. Normally, he would have ignored what Severus said but...this time it was all true. Remus rested his head on his knees and cried. 


	3. 3

** Author's Note:** Hey again! I'm frantically typing it all up for y'all so make sure to review! reviewwhore  
  
**Disclaimer:** You know you know, they don't belong to me, they belong to JayKay and I'm not making any money off of 'em, except when I rent them out to fangirls...Just kidding!

* * *

And that was how Sirius found him, sobbing silently into his knees, robes soaking up his tears. The taller boy stood at the far end of the aisle for a second, trying to understand, and then shook himself and ran to hug Remus. Sirius held him tightly and let him cry, making quiet soothing noises. His heart wrenched with each shuddering sob that wracked the blond boy's shoulders. When Remus finally calmed enough to talk, Sirius sat across from him on the floor and took his hand.  
  
"What happened, Rem? What's going on?"  
  
Remus looked at him sadly, and suddenly Sirius knew. His hand clenched around Remus', tightening with anger.  
  
"Snape. He found you." Sirius' eyes blazed with a frightening anger. "Damn the bloody bastard! Rem, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault; I shouldn't have left you alone." Remus opened his mouth to speak, but Sirius cut him off. "Don't worry. We'll get him back for this. I promise."  
  
Remus finally managed to get a word in. "Don't Sirius! Please don't do this, even for me. Especially not for me. You'll get hurt, or else James will, or even Peter. You can't do this. Please." His eyes pleaded with the black ones opposite him for understanding.  
  
"But Rem...Don't you get it? He hurt you!" Sirius burst out, unable to believe that the golden-haired boy was just going to let it go.  
  
"Sirius." Sirius looked at him curiously. "Just leave it. Please. Don't get involved." Remus stood, slipping his hand from the other boy's reluctantly, and walked away silently.  
  
Sirius scowled. He wanted to help Remus, but how without Remus finding out that he'd done it? Sirius was almost positive that Remus would be angry with him if he got involved after being asked to stay out. But he couldn't just close his eyes to the problem; he bloody loved that idiotic werewolf! Sirius growled and stood. He really needed to punch something. Preferably something with black greasy hair, a hideous nose, and the most irritatingly clever comments about everything. Of course, that didn't mean Snape! Of course not.  
  
Remus slipped down one hallway after another, heading inexorably toward where he knew he would find Sev. And, as he slid through the door like a shadow, there he was, sitting at one of the long tables, chopping iridescent pixie wings into powder.  
  
Remus stopped to watch him, enjoying the way the Slytherin's long face seemed peaceful, unlike his usual mask. A small smile tugged at the tall boy's lips as he mixed ingredients together. Remus had always joked with him that he was only happy with his potions. Sev had stopped and looked at him very seriously and told him—  
  
"What do you want Lupin?" Sev's icy voice cut through the warm memory and brought Remus back to the cold present.  
  
Remus shifted nervously from one foot to the other and couldn't look at the boy before him. "I-I...I wanted to tell you that...I'm sorry if I hurt you...I didn't mean to. It's just that...I love Sirius too. And...I don't know! I mean, I know you probably hate me just...I'm sorry Sev!" Remus looked up guiltily, hoping he hadn't said too much or too little.  
  
Severus' eyes brought him up short. They were opaque pools of anger, coldness, and disgust. Somewhere down there, Remus thought he might have seen hurt, but when he blinked, it was gone.  
  
"You're sorry, Lupin? Are you really?" Severus stood and took four steps forward, so they were less than a hand span apart.  
  
Remus nodded. "I am."  
  
"Then prove it."  
  
"What? How?" Remus was puzzled, but he really didn't like the glimmer in Sev's eyes.  
  
"Break it off with Black. Tell him you don't love him and that it was all a joke. Hurt him and ignore him. Then I might forgive you."  
  
Remus sighed, defeated. He'd known this would happen, somehow. He also knew that if he didn't cooperate, Sev would hurt Sirius himself. Something in his food even, and it wouldn't be something small like falling in love with Professor Binns, either. No, this time it would be fatal. And Remus would rather see Sirius hurt than dead. He loved him too much for that. So, he hung his head and nodded. "Alright. I'll do it."  
  
He could almost hear the smirk in Severus' voice. "Good. Now go."  
  
With a second quick nod, Remus turned to go. Sev's arm snaked out to grab his wrist, twisting him around and pulling him close. The Slytherin kissed him lightly and smirked again. "You made the right choice."  
  
After he left, Remus brushed his mouth with the back of his hand and whispered, "I hope so."  
  
Remus went to find Sirius, a knot of anxiety whirling around in his stomach. He knew it would have to happen today, or Sev would know and take his own measures. When he stepped into the Gryffindor common room, he found Sirius, James, and Peter huddled together around the crackling fire. They were speaking in hushed tones, which abruptly stopped when they saw Remus. With sheepish grins on their faces, they made room for him next to Sirius, but Remus sat down across from him next to Peter. Remus didn't miss the flash of hurt in Sirius' eyes before it was quickly hidden away. James blinked several times, then shook himself, and resumed speaking, this time about homework.  
  
Remus refused to look at Sirius, even though he could feel the other boy's questioning gaze on him. It took all his strength not to look up at Sirius and smile, so he didn't hear James talking at all. When Sirius stood up, Remus was suddenly painfully aware of his gaze.  
  
"Rem? Can we talk a moment?"  
  
Remus took a deep breath. Now was his chance to end it all with Sirius. Hopefully, they wouldn't need to spend too much time together afterward, so Remus could try to convince himself that he didn't really love Sirius. Somehow.  
  
Sirius led the golden-haired boy away from the group and sat down in another armchair. He waited for Remus to seat himself before speaking.  
  
"What's going on? Is something wrong?"  
  
Remus squirmed and didn't look at him. "I...I don't think I love you anymore." It didn't sound very convincing to his ears, but Sirius seemed to believe him, judging by the naked pain in his voice.  
  
"I see."  
  
No! Remus wanted to shout. No, you don't see! You can't, because it's not true! He quickly stifled that voice and forced out the rest. "I-I want you to...to just forget about the last few months. That's all."  
  
Sirius was now kneeling in front of him, face upturned to meet Remus' averted eyes. "That's all?"  
  
Remus made himself nod and Sirius smiled bitterly.  
  
"Of course." Remus cringed at the self-loathing in his probably former- friend's voice. Sirius' voice gentled suddenly and he lifted Remus' face to meet his own. "Just remember, Rem, I'll always wait for you." With that, he kissed the shocked blond boy gently, barely brushing his lips, and stood.  
  
"Good night, Remus." Sirius left him there, and walked slowly up the stairs to the dorm.  
  
After a few minutes, Remus followed him upstairs and slipped into bed. In the bed to his left, he could hear Sirius' ragged breathing, proving what Remus had already suspected; Sirius was crying. Remus wanted nothing more at that moment than to crawl into the other boy's bed and hold him until his tears stopped. But he knew that was impossible now. He'd ruined it completely. So he just lay in the cold, lonely bed and tried to sleep, only doing so when he heard Sirius' breathing even out in the smooth patterns of slumber. 


	4. 4

**Author's Note:** Does anyone even read these? Hehe. Probably not. Well here's the next installment. I'm not quite sure where you all are crazy I'm going with this so haha you guys are crazy bear with me, okay? (If someone read that, congrats) Oh! I just wanted say thank you to all of you wonderful reviewers, I love reading everything you all have to say. It totally makes my day. So thank you.  
  
**Disclaimer:** Must you rub it in? They aren't mine. They're J.K. Rowling's and whomever she chooses to share them with. Lucky ducks. I'm not making any money off of this, it's purely for my enjoyment, and hopefully yours.

* * *

Fortunately for both Remus and Sirius, James didn't ask about the sudden distance between them. Remus was careful to seat himself at the other end of the short Marauder chain at breakfast and during class. He was sure that James knew something was going on, although he thanked the black-haired boy for his new subtlety—something that was sure to disappear as soon as James figured out _exactly _what was happening—and which wouldn't take him too long.  
  
Unfortunately for the two ex-lovers, a project was being started in their Potions class and Remus was paired with Sirius. They spent that awkward period working on their own as much as possible, hands bumping accidentally, making them both mumble apologies and hurry away. Remus noticed that his hen's tooth powder wasn't quite as fine as it might have been had he not been spending most of the class resolutely _not _staring at Sirius. And failing quite utterly. Part of him was a little upset that Sirius seemed to accept the fact that they had broken up so easily. The other part of him knew that Sirius was in fact _not _taking it so easily. He was just better at hiding it.  
  
For his part, Sirius was completely miserable. He managed not to grab Remus' hand and beg the blond boy to tell him what happened, but just barely. Sirius was confused and humiliated. How could he have though that Remus could care about him as much as he cared about the werewolf? He was probably just a passing crush for the werewolf, Sirius decided gloomily as he ground his own hen's teeth.  
  
That class finally ended, and once again, Remus and Sirius walked at opposite sides. Peter looked puzzled and opened his mouth to ask a question but shut it abruptly as James elbowed him and glared. Lunch and the rest of their classes went on in a similarly silent fashion. Remus hardly touched his food, Sirius stuffed himself, and they both went to bed early. Neither slept well.  
  
The next day was Saturday and Remus spent most of it pacing restlessly in the boy's dormitory. Sirius went outside before the sun rose and didn't come back inside. Finally, James couldn't take the tension anymore and, after telling Peter to stay, he went after Sirius.  
  
The Seeker found his best friend sitting on the ground near the lake, knees tucked up to his chest. Coming up behind him quietly, James sat next to Sirius and waited. He knew his friend; the boy would break down soon enough and tell him what had happened between him and the other sulking Marauder.  
  
When the boy didn't start talking, James got worried. "Well?"  
  
"Well what, James?" Sirius' voice was thick with unshed tears and self- hatred.  
  
James sighed in exasperation. "What _happened_?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
The black-haired Seeker almost laughed and settled for putting his hand on Sirius' shoulder. "Listen, mate. I know you're upset. And I'm trying to help, but I can't do it alone. You have to tell me what happened so we can figure out how to fix it. Okay? So tell me what happened yesterday and we'll see what we can do. Don't leave anything out, okay? Because if you do, mate, we might miss out on something important. Got it?"  
  
Sirius was staring at him wide-eyed. "Whoa." He breathed. "Where'd you learn a speech like _that_?"  
  
James ignored the question. "Right. So what happened?"  
  
Grudgingly, haltingly, James got the story out of Sirius. As he listened, James realized that something was Very Wrong. The way Sirius told it, it didn't sound like something Remus would do on his own. James knew how much Remus loved the Marauder sitting next to him. So why did he lie? There had to be someone else involved. James almost snorted; there guesses who?  
  
If that was what was Going On, they would need to tread carefully. As much as James hated the boy, he had to acknowledge that Snape was a powerful wizard and potion maker. If they messed up, he would be onto them; and _that _would be bad. So, they would have to careful and try to convince Remus first. But how? If Remus was convinced that he was helping someone, he would never listen, even if it killed him. James sighed, stupid kind-hearted boy.  
  
"So?" Sirius' voice brought him back from his planning.  
  
"So what?"  
  
"So what do we do?"  
  
"Dunno yet. But we'll figure it out. I think the first step would be to talk to Rem—" James held up one hand to forestall arguments. "—You don't have to if you don't want, but I do.  
  
Sirius' shoulders sagged in defeat. "Fine. But..." He looked up and locked eyes with James earnestly. "Don't hurt him okay?"  
  
James grinned. "No worries. He's my friend too, remember?" He stood and waved to Sirius, then walked inside again. Peter grinned up at him inquiringly as he entered the common room, but James merely gave him a thumbs-up before continuing past him and up the stairs, hands shoved in his pockets.  
  
The door to the dormitory was closed but not locked, and James entered quietly, sharp eyes sweeping the room for signs of anything dangerous. He saw nothing but a sad boy sitting near the window. The window showed a wide panorama of Hogwarts ground. Especially the lake. The golden-haired boy by the window was hugging his knees and staring at a similarly positioned dark- haired boy down below.  
  
"You love him, don't you?" James spoke softly, afraid to break the moment. But it was already broken. Remus blinked and tore his gaze away from Sirius and fixed his liquid gold eyes on James.  
  
"What? Of course not. I don't love him." Remus answered without conviction.  
  
They both knew it was a lie. James approached Remus and sat down gingerly next to him. Sirius he knew how to comfort; they knew each other better. But Remus was different. He didn't open up to anyone, always withdrawn and quiet. Remus always watched from the side. If he had a problem, it stayed quiet. Even the Marauders never knew sometimes. So, James was at a loss.  
  
"What happened?" He decided to be straightforward.  
  
Remus looked away. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Stop being a prat; you know what I mean. Sirius isn't out there almost crying for no reason. You won't come downstairs for no reason. How can you pretend nothing's wrong?"  
  
The smaller boy sighed. "Look, James. I don't see how any of this is your business." The second the words were out of his mouth, he regretted them. James frowned, pressing his lips into a thin line and making his nostrils flare. He looked exactly like Professor McGonagall, and a little frightening, but he didn't seem to realize it.  
  
"Of course it's my business you twit! You're my best friends! If you're miserable, I want to fix it. You would do the same." James had him there.  
  
Remus sighed again. "That may be, but there's nothing wrong with me. I don't know about—about," he faltered. "Sirius, but I'm fine." Remus still wouldn't look at James, but his voice was steady. You're doing this for Sirius, he reminded himself, you can't tell anyone or Sev will find out.  
  
James muttered something about 'bloody werewolves' and 'stubborn as bricks—and about as smart'. Remus almost laughed, but that would have ruined the mood. Mood was everything. If he kept up the way he was, James would give up and leave him alone. If he laughed, James would never leave. So he didn't laugh. Instead, he looked outside again. There was Sirius, beautiful head bowed. He looked like he was praying.  
  
It became apparent to James that Remus wasn't willing to talk, and he left with a last promise to be there to listen. When he was gone, Remus moved to the red canopy bed, pulling the thick curtains shut around him. He curled up into a tight ball and tried not to cry. He failed. The pillow beneath his head drank his tears and offered him no comfort in return. As Remus cried, he hated himself for it, calling himself a coward and telling himself his pain was nothing compared to Sirius' and that he should be glad he wasn't a burden to the young man sitting outside alone. It almost worked. 


End file.
